Guide to Giving Neuroinclusive Feedback
Feedback helps shape how we show up at work. At its best, it clarifies expectations, builds trust, and boosts confidence. At its worst, it triggers shame, erodes motivation, or reinforces exclusion, especially for neurodivergent people.
Many of us have learned to mask, overanalyse, or spiral after even small bits of unclear or charged feedback. That doesn’t mean we can’t take it; it means we’ve been shaped by years of invalidation, ambiguity, and bias.
If you’re giving feedback to a neurodivergent colleague or direct report, I don’t want you to feel anxious. This isn’t about avoiding feedback. It’s about giving it fairly, with awareness of how it lands. Neuroinclusive feedback doesn’t require perfection, just clarity, care, and a shift away from assumptions.
Even informal comments carry weight. Let’s make sure the feedback we give actually helps people grow in their role, not shrink themselves to fit what we’ve been told is “normal.”
Why neuroinclusive feedback matters
Many neurodivergent folks live with chronic invalidation. We’re told we’re “too much,” “too intense,” “too quiet,” “not focused enough,” “not professional.” Often, that feedback isn’t about the work; it’s about how we make others feel.
When feedback is vague, biased or socially loaded, we may:
Start masking more
Lose confidence in our strengths
Try to “fix” ourselves instead of exploring adjustments
Burnout from constant self-monitoring and overcompensating
We’re often expected to adapt to feedback, but rarely offered feedback that’s adapted to us.
Don’t try to discipline someone’s neurodivergent traits out of them. Not only is it pretty impossible to change the way our brains are wired, it’s harmful even to try.
What does biased feedback sound like?
Biased feedback often sounds reasonable, but it rests on hidden assumptions about what’s “normal.”
Here are common red flags:
🚩 Vibes over evidence. “They feel chaotic” or “their energy’s a lot” - is it actually affecting the work? Or just rubbing up against your norms?
🚩 Traits framed as flaws. “They’re too intense.” “They’re too quiet.” These statements alone say more about your preferences than their performance. Focus on impact, not personality.
🚩 Social communication bias. Don’t confuse directness with rudeness, or slower verbal processing with disengagement. Different ≠ wrong.
🚩 Feedback as conformity training. If the goal is to make someone more palatable, rather than more effective, pause. Are you helping them succeed, or just asking them to mask?
How Neurodivergent Traits Shape Feedback Experiences
Some neurodivergent traits directly affect how feedback is received. Understanding them helps us shift from “What’s wrong with them?” to “What would make the work environment clearer and safer?”
🧠 Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
Even gentle feedback can feel crushing, not because we’re fragile, but because our nervous systems perceive rejection as a threat.
Try: Offer written context first, where possible, and make the intention supportive, not reprimanding.
🌊 Emotional Dysregulation
Intense emotional responses can be hard to manage in the moment. Sudden or unexpected feedback might lead to anxiety, defensiveness, or withdrawal.
Try: Give space. Let someone process before expecting a response.
🧩 Memory
Working memory challenges mean vague or delayed feedback can feel confusing or stressful, especially if we don’t recall the moment clearly.
Try: Be timely and specific. Anchor feedback in recent, concrete examples.
⚙️ Executive Function Overload
Too much feedback at once or unclear expectations can overwhelm. Instead of helping, they add pressure and paralysis.
Try: Focus on one or two things. Be clear about priorities, and check what support might help.
Positive feedback is powerful, too
Many of us have spent years hearing only what we need to “improve.” So when someone, specifically and sincerely, reflects our strengths back to us, it can be incredibly healing and affirming!
💬 “I love how you always learn new things quickly; that kind of agility really helps when things shift.”
💬 “You notice details others miss, it’s helped us spot gaps before they become issues.”
This isn’t flattery. It’s recognition. And it builds trust, which makes constructive feedback easier to receive, too!
But what if I do need to give constructive feedback?
Great. Neuroinclusive feedback doesn’t mean staying silent. It just means being intentional.
Try this 3-part approach:
Context – Ground it in time, task, and shared goals
Impact – Describe the effect of the behaviour
Support – Explore what would help going forward
💬 “In last week’s client meeting, the rapid idea shifts made it tricky for us to land key messages. Let’s explore how we can capture ideas beforehand so we stay on track, open to what works best for you.”
Be clear. Be kind. Be collaborative.
Let’s normalise feedback that works for everyone
Giving feedback isn’t a bad thing. But when it’s vague, biased or based on vibes, it stops being helpful and starts becoming harmful. Avoiding feedback out of fear isn’t neuroinclusive either; it’s silencing.
Neuroinclusive feedback means giving feedback with care. Here’s how:
🧠 Check your bias. Is this about the work, or your discomfort with difference?
🔍 Interrogate your discomfort. Does directness feel rude because it’s unfamiliar? Is silence really disengagement, or just someone processing?
🎯 Anchor it in the work. “Your update missed the deadline” is helpful. “You’re unreliable” is a judgment. Focus on the impact.
💬 Be specific. General feedback leads to spiralling. Say what happened, when, and why it matters.
🗣️ Ask, don’t assume. “I noticed X, is there anything that would make that easier next time?” opens a door instead of building a wall.
🌱 Recognise strengths, not just ‘fix’ problems. Neurodivergent folks are often hyper-aware of what we lack. Pointing out what’s working can deeply affirm and build the confidence needed for growth.
Neuroinclusion doesn’t mean lowering standards. It means removing barriers, so everyone can meet them in their own way.
Final thoughts
At the heart of feedback is human connection; at the end of the day, all we want is to feel seen, understood and valued.
We’re all wired differently. We all have ways of working, functioning and communicating that don’t fit neatly into boxes. When we recognise this, it’s not a flaw; it’s a strength.
Giving feedback should be all about creating space for people to be recognised clearly, supported fairly, and challenged with care.
Let’s make sure the feedback we give actually helps people grow in their role, not shrink themselves to fit what we’ve been told is “normal"!
